How to Get A Narcissist To Reveal Themselves

Hossein Berenji, Apr 07, 2021

You know your spouse is a narcissist, but how do you convince a family court judge? Do you need to convince a family court judge?

If you are concerned about property division or domestic support, you may not need to worry too much about getting a narcissistic spouse to reveal themselves. California is a community property state. Generally, unless the parties have a marital agreement, marital property and marital debts are divided equally.

Child support and spousal support are calculated by statutory guidelines. Providing evidence that substantiates your claim for child support and spousal support under the guidelines may be the primary focus for support cases, not exposing a narcissist.

However, child custody cases are where you need to focus on forcing a narcissist to reveal themselves. You need to demonstrate to the court why allowing your spouse to have custody of your children would not be in their best interest.

Before you can force your narcissistic spouse to reveal themselves, it helps to understand narcissistic personality traits.

What Are the Traits of a Narcissistic Personality?

A person with a narcissistic personality disorder often lacks empathy for other people. They have an inflated sense of their own self-worth that overshadows everyone else, including their spouse and children.

Traits of a narcissistic personality include:

  • Insists on having the best of everything
  • Continually seeks to impress others
  • Focuses on being better than anyone in the room
  • Monopolizes the conversation and always turns the conversation back to themselves
  • Envious of others who they perceive to have more
  • Sense of self-importance and entitlement
  • Take advantage of situations and other people to get what they desire
  • Focused on success, power, and brilliance
  • Inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of other people
  • Belittles others to make themselves feel more important
  • Embellishes achievements, skills, and talents
  • Expects unquestioning compliance
  • Believes they can only associate with equally brilliant people
  • Expects people to recognize them for their achievements even when the achievements do not warrant the recognition

Unfortunately, narcissists are masters at manipulation. They are experts at making people believe they are the inflated vision of themselves. Narcissists are generally charming, eloquent, and compelling.

Therefore, how do you get your narcissistic spouse to reveal themselves in court? By hiring a Los Angeles family law attorney who understands how to deal with a narcissist.

Problems Dealing with a Narcissist During a Divorce

A narcissistic spouse has one goal – to win. They do not care about the money, property, or their children. They care about beating you.

Unfortunately, that means that a narcissist will refuse to settle disputes. They will file frivolous motions and run up legal bills to try to make you give up. A narcissistic spouse will focus on punishing you at all costs.

However, if your attorney understands how to deal with a narcissist, it can lessen your spouse’s impact on your divorce proceedings. You need an attorney who understands how to get a narcissist to reveal themselves when dealing with child custody issues.

Child Custody and a Narcissistic Parent

In many cases, a narcissistic parent is not involved in their children’s lives. They are too self-absorbed to be concerned with school functions, playdates, homework, sports, and other activities involving their children.

Unfortunately, a narcissist may use children in a divorce to punish the other parent or force the other parent to accept a settlement. In either case, the narcissistic spouse views it as a “win.” A narcissist places winning above what is in the best interest of the children.

When you are battling a narcissist for custody of your children, you need to remember three critical things:

  • Keep detailed notes about your spouse’s interaction with your children, including dates, times, and facts
  • Do not allow your spouse to bait you – remain calm during all interactions with your spouse inside and outside of court
  • In court, do not react to anything your spouse says while testifying – your lawyer will address matters during cross-examination

When a narcissist is on the stand, he or she is compelled to project an idealistic picture of their parenting abilities. It may be easier than you realize for your attorney to force your spouse to reveal their true nature on the stand.

Your attorney can easily get your narcissistic spouse to talk about what a great parent they are and how involved they are in your children’s lives. Bragging about themselves and their abilities is one of your spouse’s favorite things to do.

However, you’ve kept records of each time your spouse failed to pick up your kids for visitation, missed school functions, or chose to go out of town instead of attending a birthday party. When confronted with facts that show their true nature, a narcissist often boils over.

The first step is to hire a divorce lawyer who understands narcissistic personalities. Keep taking notes and allow your lawyer to do the rest.