The 7 Stages Of Grief For Divorced Men
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross introduced her thesis on the “stages of death” in her groundbreaking work, On Death and Dying, published in 1969. Since that time, many healthcare professionals have recognized that the emotional and cognitive stages a person goes through when they know they are going to die also apply to other situations where grief and acceptance are needed.
Divorce is one of those situations. Grieving the loss of a marriage, even when you know it’s for the best, is difficult. Men and women may have different reactions to and concerns about marriage dissolution, and everyone deserves to have their concerns acknowledged.
Recognizing The 7 Stages Of Grief From Divorce
Among heterosexual couples, women are more likely to file for a divorce than men. Only around 30% of divorces are initiated by husbands. There are many reasons why a man might decide to stay in an unsatisfactory marriage. However, when dissolution becomes inevitable, some men experience all or most of the grief stages.
1. Shock
Oftentimes, men who have been served with divorce papers are in disbelief. They cannot rationalize the situation. In many cases, his emotional response serves as a buffer that keeps them from feeling overwhelmed.
2. Denial
Thoughts like “I can’t believe this is happening” or “I can prevent this from happening” are signs that a man is in denial. The desire to rationalize an emotionally overwhelming experience is natural, especially for men who may be more comfortable searching for solutions than coping with painful feelings.
3. Anger
Even couples who love and respect one another and want an amicable divorce can end up feeling angry or bitter toward their soon-to-be-ex-spouse. Men may engage in self-destructive behaviors or lash out at others if they don’t know how to manage their emotions appropriately.
4. Bargaining
Bargaining typically refers to the bargains a man makes with himself, not with others. For example, he might tell himself he’ll never look at another woman if he can only get his spouse back or be successful when filing for joint custody.
5. Depression
Most divorced men will experience depression at some point. Feeling hopeless about the future or thinking the pain of divorce will never end is a natural reaction. Accepting support from family and friends can help men navigate this stage.
6. Testing
“Testing” refers to finding ways to deal with a divorce, including starting a new relationship or getting new hobbies. Feeling free and independent can be fun for a man who’s carried the responsibilities of marriage for many years. However, rushing into new relationships before allowing the time to heal from divorce can mean more heartache and confusion.
7. Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage of grieving after divorce. Accepting that you and your spouse both made mistakes and that life is going to be different from what you had planned are signs of healing. Men who accept their new normal are able to regain control over their destiny and move forward to create the life they want.
Why Understanding The Stages Of Grief Is Important
Understanding the stages of divorce grief is helpful for both men and women. Couples hoping for a collaborative divorce benefit from giving one another the grace and space to experience their grief without judgment.
Men may be able to heal faster and find the appropriate support when they can identify their stages of grief. Remembering that it’s natural to feel anger or sadness, and that bargaining is a typical part of the process, helps men accept the situation and begin to move forward.
Contact a California Divorce Lawyer Today
For more information, contact our experienced divorce lawyers at Berenji & Associates Divorce Lawyers by calling (310) 271-6290 to schedule a consultation.
We serve all through Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, Los Angeles County, and its surrounding areas. Visit any of our offices at:
Berenji & Associates Divorce Lawyers Los Angeles Office
550 S. Hill Street STE 1467
Los Angeles, CA 90013
(213) 277-2586
Berenji & Associates Divorce Lawyers Beverly Hills Office
9465 Wilshire Blvd #333
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
(213) 277-2586